"El pan llegó!" yells the man riding by as I leave my house at 6:30am. He gets to the end of the dirt street and immediately turns around. "El pan se va!!!" he yells as he rides away.
I laugh out loud all by myself as I tiredly walk to school.
It sounds so funny when I translate it. "The bread arrived!" "The bread leaves!!!" And the fact that there was so little time that the bread hung out to chat. It came and went like a missed opportunity that would never present itself again.
Friday, November 28, 2014
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
Letting Go of Outcomes
I am practicing letting go of outcomes.
The quickly changing storefronts in this town parallel the quick abandonment of projects without investment in the outcomes. Permanence is not a word I would use to describe life here.
I don't walk down one street for a week and the next time I do... there are two new stores or restaurants. Then, the next month those stores and restaurants are gone, only to have new ones take their place.
So it is with classes or groups. And I guess that being aware of this cultural climate, I can't blame myself. Still, it is hard for me to let go.
Why, when we have worked for several months and are almost ready to present our plays, do my kids in Cocal stop coming? The week before, they committed to seeing the project through to the end... with lots of enthusiasm. I can't really blame them, either, though. It is the whole system that fosters these kinds of actions.
The theatre itself changed the date of the performance and wouldn't commit to a new one due to needing to rent out the space for paying functions. Nobody told me that the school year was ending and that if the students didn't need to take their last exams, they would stop coming. I asked when the year ended, but this part about not coming anymore was not included in the discussion.
So this is how the project ends. Just as quickly and randomly as it began. No final performance. No despedidas.
Process over product, right? I'm telling myself that the process was worth it.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Difficult Day at Cocal
Yesterday was a difficult day at Cocal - the elementary school where I started a drama program.
The two special education teachers who help me run the class weren't there, but I went anyway because the play date is coming and I didn't want to loose the time.
I guess the kids didn't feel that time crunch, because they wouldn't do anything. They had zero energy and kept saying things like, "que pereza" and "que aburrido." (how lazy and how boring). Even practicing the one we created last week.... they would have none of it.
So, I told them that if they weren't going to put in any effort there was no need for me being there and I would leave. So, that's what I did. I left... but I tried to do it without anger or hard feelings. I simply told them that we were done for the day and that I would see them next time.
Afterwards, I was beating myself up... thinking thoughts like:
You should be able to handle the class by yourself... you're an experienced teacher.
and.... Why can't you motivate them?
and.... Why doesn't the project of producing their own stories capture their attention?
and... Why is your Spanish still not good enough that they respect you when you talk sternly to them?
And then I remembered...
Just that day, one girl shared that her positive thing to share of the week (her rose) was that she and her two friends were going to pass fifth grade. Her thorn was that they were the only three.
I couldn't believe that it is more common in this school to stay in your same grade than to move on.
And I thought about how when I got on the little boat to leave back to Quepos, the director was getting off... carrying a door and chicken wire. I helped him carry the door to the school. The director..... carrying the door to the school....
I guess my class wasn't that difficult after-all. We may not have much to present when the show date arrives, but at least the kids show up and are doing something productive/creative with their time. Who knows what the lasting impacts could be....?
Also, today I went back just to visit and go to the "special education party" which in itself is a weird story that you would never see in the US. It was like nothing ever happened yesterday. They all hugged me and I gave them just as much love as if they had all won Tony Awards the day before. After all, they're more important than any play or activity we could be doing. And today, that was enough.
The two special education teachers who help me run the class weren't there, but I went anyway because the play date is coming and I didn't want to loose the time.
I guess the kids didn't feel that time crunch, because they wouldn't do anything. They had zero energy and kept saying things like, "que pereza" and "que aburrido." (how lazy and how boring). Even practicing the one we created last week.... they would have none of it.
So, I told them that if they weren't going to put in any effort there was no need for me being there and I would leave. So, that's what I did. I left... but I tried to do it without anger or hard feelings. I simply told them that we were done for the day and that I would see them next time.
Afterwards, I was beating myself up... thinking thoughts like:
You should be able to handle the class by yourself... you're an experienced teacher.
and.... Why can't you motivate them?
and.... Why doesn't the project of producing their own stories capture their attention?
and... Why is your Spanish still not good enough that they respect you when you talk sternly to them?
And then I remembered...
Just that day, one girl shared that her positive thing to share of the week (her rose) was that she and her two friends were going to pass fifth grade. Her thorn was that they were the only three.
I couldn't believe that it is more common in this school to stay in your same grade than to move on.
And I thought about how when I got on the little boat to leave back to Quepos, the director was getting off... carrying a door and chicken wire. I helped him carry the door to the school. The director..... carrying the door to the school....
I guess my class wasn't that difficult after-all. We may not have much to present when the show date arrives, but at least the kids show up and are doing something productive/creative with their time. Who knows what the lasting impacts could be....?
Also, today I went back just to visit and go to the "special education party" which in itself is a weird story that you would never see in the US. It was like nothing ever happened yesterday. They all hugged me and I gave them just as much love as if they had all won Tony Awards the day before. After all, they're more important than any play or activity we could be doing. And today, that was enough.
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
World Map Day - the good kind
I wait for my new student on the corner.
She walks up with her cousin and immediately breaks into a big smile.
"I remember you from the play. You came to my school," she beams.
We walk down the street together and begin our first class at my house.
We play games and the teenage cousin (who dropped out of high school) feels included.
She puts away her phone and starts asking questions.
"How do you say.....?"
They notice the world map on my wall.
"Where's the US?" I ask.
They respond that the whole thing is the US.
"No, this is the world.... the US is here. Where's Costa Rica?"
We find it together.
"Wow.... so small."
"Where's Panama?"
One indicates all of South America.
"No, that's Panama. It's small, too."
I think these girls learned more than English in this class.
Later, when I talked to the mom she told me how her daughter made the family play the English games she had learned in class. A little teacher.
And, the adolescent who isn't going to school is enjoying learning....
Strike the imagination, as we learned in Montessori training.
Traditional school isn't for everyone, but it doesn't mean they can't be excited to learn.
She walks up with her cousin and immediately breaks into a big smile.
"I remember you from the play. You came to my school," she beams.
We walk down the street together and begin our first class at my house.
We play games and the teenage cousin (who dropped out of high school) feels included.
She puts away her phone and starts asking questions.
"How do you say.....?"
They notice the world map on my wall.
"Where's the US?" I ask.
They respond that the whole thing is the US.
"No, this is the world.... the US is here. Where's Costa Rica?"
We find it together.
"Wow.... so small."
"Where's Panama?"
One indicates all of South America.
"No, that's Panama. It's small, too."
I think these girls learned more than English in this class.
Later, when I talked to the mom she told me how her daughter made the family play the English games she had learned in class. A little teacher.
And, the adolescent who isn't going to school is enjoying learning....
Strike the imagination, as we learned in Montessori training.
Traditional school isn't for everyone, but it doesn't mean they can't be excited to learn.
Commas are Even More Important in Spanish (and in Text Messages)
My friend starts a texting conversation with:
Te tengo una noticia (I have news for you).
I ask her what and she says, No es broma... me voy a vivir a Quepos (It's not a joke... I'm moving to Quepos).
Voy a ser mamá (I'm going to be a mom).
I ask if she's serious, to which sh replies: No no es broma. Lo más seguro en diciembre (No it's not a joke. For sure in December).
I told her I wanted to talk with her but couldn't at the moment because I was crossing the border and didn't have much signal.
She said, Sí claro, y tengo que hablar con usted respecto a eso (Yes, and I need to talk to you about it).
As you may imagine, I was pretty worried and serious when I called her that night. I spent the whole bus ride home from Panamá thinking she was pregnant!
Where the conversation went wrong -
"I'm going to be a mom" should have arrived before "No es broma" and "no es broma" should have had a comma to say "No, it's a joke" instead of "It's not a joke."
Then, "no no es broma" would mean "no, no.... it's a joke" not "no, it's not a joke."
What a misunderstanding!
Te tengo una noticia (I have news for you).
I ask her what and she says, No es broma... me voy a vivir a Quepos (It's not a joke... I'm moving to Quepos).
Voy a ser mamá (I'm going to be a mom).
I ask if she's serious, to which sh replies: No no es broma. Lo más seguro en diciembre (No it's not a joke. For sure in December).
I told her I wanted to talk with her but couldn't at the moment because I was crossing the border and didn't have much signal.
She said, Sí claro, y tengo que hablar con usted respecto a eso (Yes, and I need to talk to you about it).
As you may imagine, I was pretty worried and serious when I called her that night. I spent the whole bus ride home from Panamá thinking she was pregnant!
Where the conversation went wrong -
"I'm going to be a mom" should have arrived before "No es broma" and "no es broma" should have had a comma to say "No, it's a joke" instead of "It's not a joke."
Then, "no no es broma" would mean "no, no.... it's a joke" not "no, it's not a joke."
What a misunderstanding!
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Difficult Conversations - Speak Your Mind, Even if Your Voice Shakes
I remember this quote that my drama teacher had hanging on the wall above her desk when I was 15.
Difficult conversations are uncomfortable and something I'm working at getting better at. It's always been scary for me - asserting myself and expressing what I need.
Here are some examples of difficult conversations I have had recently that I'm proud of:
1. I talked with the family I rent from to ask them if they could please hang out somewhere other than the kitchen after 10pm... as it is soundwise, like being inside my bedroom. There's only screen separating the rooms.
2. I called a mother of a student to discuss how her daughter didn't bring the full class payment, when I considered just letting it go.
3. I stood up for myself when a student was canceling every class... even though she got mad and stopped taking classes, I felt better about not being disrespected in this way.
4. I talked to the manager of the café where I had the allergic reaction. I almost left when I saw he was in a meeting, but instead I got up the courage to say excuse me and explain to him the Tuna was bad so somebody else wouldn't get sick. He offered me a free lunch, which I have to admit I ate with a little fear :]
These all might sound like little things.... but sometimes, little things are big.
Difficult conversations are uncomfortable and something I'm working at getting better at. It's always been scary for me - asserting myself and expressing what I need.
Here are some examples of difficult conversations I have had recently that I'm proud of:
1. I talked with the family I rent from to ask them if they could please hang out somewhere other than the kitchen after 10pm... as it is soundwise, like being inside my bedroom. There's only screen separating the rooms.
2. I called a mother of a student to discuss how her daughter didn't bring the full class payment, when I considered just letting it go.
3. I stood up for myself when a student was canceling every class... even though she got mad and stopped taking classes, I felt better about not being disrespected in this way.
4. I talked to the manager of the café where I had the allergic reaction. I almost left when I saw he was in a meeting, but instead I got up the courage to say excuse me and explain to him the Tuna was bad so somebody else wouldn't get sick. He offered me a free lunch, which I have to admit I ate with a little fear :]
These all might sound like little things.... but sometimes, little things are big.
Weirdness of the Week - Episode Interrupted
1. I walked by a group of homeless men this morning who seemed to be
playing a game in a circle. The game consisted of them hitting each
other with their baseball caps... I couldn't guess anymore rules of the
game than that. They were laughing and enjoying themselves, though.
2. Two days ago, I was riding the little water taxi over to the school in Cocal where I do my drama group. As the boat pulled out to make the 2 minute journey across the mangrove a fishing boat floated up. The women on my boat asked how much the giant fish they just caught was. They handed it over to her and she held it by the mouth as we continued our journey. There was no money exchange.... maybe she has an account with them :] It struck me that this is not something one would see in a normal commute to work.
3. I walked by a little neighborhood store - "pulperia" it's called - and there was a cat sitting on the counter where the person passes you your food. Another rarity.
4. You'll be watching TV and all of a sudden this stock obituary music comes on and there are a few funeral announcements for the day. I wonder if one pays for it like a commercial for the funeral or if those people are more important in some way...
**** I interrupt this post to tell a story****
I was sitting in a café writing this post when all of a sudden, I had a crazy allergic reaction to tuna. I was having trouble thinking and my heart was beating fast. I felt feverish and my head hurt. I felt anxious, but just thought maybe I was sensitive to coffee that day or that I was getting sick.... I continued writing this blog until the owner of the yoga studio I write for walked up and told me that I looked sunburned and asked me if I was ok. I looked down at my chest and saw how red I was. She told me that this had happened to her when she ate tuna one day and that she went to the hospital. She is a natural healer.... so that seemed extreme.
I packed up my computer and walked to the Spanish school where the people who work there are like my family. I walked in, told my friend what was happening and plopped down behind the reception desk. I felt like I was going to faint. She sat with me on the floor until another friend came in and sat with me. She went to the bank and called her boss to ask if she could leave early to take me to the clinic.
Luckily I started getting better so we didn't go. I just laid on the floor there behind the desk watching youtube videos with them for a few hours until my friend could go home. She took me to her house and took care of me for the rest of the night. :]
I am so grateful to have such good caring friends here.
I researched, later, what could have happened and it turns out there's this histamine that lives on Tuna that sometimes increases in number after the tuna dies. Cooking doesn't even kill them. Needless to say, I don't think I'll be eating tuna for a while - if ever. It was so scary. It felt like it was neurologically affecting me. My cheeks even felt numb and I got really cold and then really hot. I couldn't process.... but I could still speak Spanish..... hahahah.
************** Ok, back to the blog - where I left off last Friday ***********
5. Boys in the Girls bathroom - Apparently this is not as weird as I think it is based on my cultural understandings. Boys at the high school just walk into the girls bathroom to wash their hands if it's closer. A boy in the US would never even get close to the girls bathroom!!!!! "Jamás (y queso)" - a joke in Spanish with some of my friends!!!! Also, the male maintenance guy can clean the bathroom while I'm peeing.... and it's not weird at all. I remember males not even entering a bathroom to clean if anybody at all was in there back home.
6. I has been Christmas since the beginning of October. Like I said before, after September 15th - independence day - there's no holiday to hinder the coming of Christmas.... so, let it go!!!
7. This is not as weird as it is lovely and sweet. The 11th graders - seniors - at the high school today started their really important exams (bachillerato). Before they started, the whole school and all of the teachers gathered on the soccer court to wish them well. They stood in a circle and prayed and said how they were good leaders. After, everyone hugged them. It was moving to see this sense of community and support for a HS exam. I'm glad I got to see that.
Until the next weirdness...... :]
2. Two days ago, I was riding the little water taxi over to the school in Cocal where I do my drama group. As the boat pulled out to make the 2 minute journey across the mangrove a fishing boat floated up. The women on my boat asked how much the giant fish they just caught was. They handed it over to her and she held it by the mouth as we continued our journey. There was no money exchange.... maybe she has an account with them :] It struck me that this is not something one would see in a normal commute to work.
3. I walked by a little neighborhood store - "pulperia" it's called - and there was a cat sitting on the counter where the person passes you your food. Another rarity.
4. You'll be watching TV and all of a sudden this stock obituary music comes on and there are a few funeral announcements for the day. I wonder if one pays for it like a commercial for the funeral or if those people are more important in some way...
**** I interrupt this post to tell a story****
I was sitting in a café writing this post when all of a sudden, I had a crazy allergic reaction to tuna. I was having trouble thinking and my heart was beating fast. I felt feverish and my head hurt. I felt anxious, but just thought maybe I was sensitive to coffee that day or that I was getting sick.... I continued writing this blog until the owner of the yoga studio I write for walked up and told me that I looked sunburned and asked me if I was ok. I looked down at my chest and saw how red I was. She told me that this had happened to her when she ate tuna one day and that she went to the hospital. She is a natural healer.... so that seemed extreme.
I packed up my computer and walked to the Spanish school where the people who work there are like my family. I walked in, told my friend what was happening and plopped down behind the reception desk. I felt like I was going to faint. She sat with me on the floor until another friend came in and sat with me. She went to the bank and called her boss to ask if she could leave early to take me to the clinic.
Luckily I started getting better so we didn't go. I just laid on the floor there behind the desk watching youtube videos with them for a few hours until my friend could go home. She took me to her house and took care of me for the rest of the night. :]
I am so grateful to have such good caring friends here.
I researched, later, what could have happened and it turns out there's this histamine that lives on Tuna that sometimes increases in number after the tuna dies. Cooking doesn't even kill them. Needless to say, I don't think I'll be eating tuna for a while - if ever. It was so scary. It felt like it was neurologically affecting me. My cheeks even felt numb and I got really cold and then really hot. I couldn't process.... but I could still speak Spanish..... hahahah.
************** Ok, back to the blog - where I left off last Friday ***********
5. Boys in the Girls bathroom - Apparently this is not as weird as I think it is based on my cultural understandings. Boys at the high school just walk into the girls bathroom to wash their hands if it's closer. A boy in the US would never even get close to the girls bathroom!!!!! "Jamás (y queso)" - a joke in Spanish with some of my friends!!!! Also, the male maintenance guy can clean the bathroom while I'm peeing.... and it's not weird at all. I remember males not even entering a bathroom to clean if anybody at all was in there back home.
6. I has been Christmas since the beginning of October. Like I said before, after September 15th - independence day - there's no holiday to hinder the coming of Christmas.... so, let it go!!!
 |
| A book store in San Jose on October 11th |
 |
| The office of the HS |
 |
| The cleaning lady at the HS :] So cute! |
7. This is not as weird as it is lovely and sweet. The 11th graders - seniors - at the high school today started their really important exams (bachillerato). Before they started, the whole school and all of the teachers gathered on the soccer court to wish them well. They stood in a circle and prayed and said how they were good leaders. After, everyone hugged them. It was moving to see this sense of community and support for a HS exam. I'm glad I got to see that.
Until the next weirdness...... :]
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