Applying for a House Culture Shock

... or how trying to rent a room in a house is harder than getting into grad school.

About two weeks ago, I suddenly felt the pressing need to look for a place to live in Austin NOW!  My pura vida attitude parted for a moment and I realized that if I didn't start looking now, there probably wouldn't be anything that I wanted left when I got to the US.

So, in what felt like a day of complete frustration and lack of productivity... I started combing craigslist for options.  I didn't even know where to start.  I didn't know what neighborhoods were what or what price ranges were good.  The first day, pretty much all I did was start matching adds to a map of neighborhoods I downloaded.  Then, I got overwhelmed and shut down.  Finding a place to live has always been scary for me (for some reason) and doing it from another country just felt impossible.

But then, my good friend Ramona, and I met to hang out at Subway and she pushed through the block with me.  She pulled up adds on her tablet and we found one that stood out.  It was a cute house of grad students in a nice neighborhood with a very detailed description.  This gave me hope.

I emailed them and didn't hear back for a few days.

So, I emailed again.

This is where the adventure starts.

I received an overly expressive email with tidbits like:

 "You will not find a house in HydePark for a long term lease for $400.  That landlord would be a fool to rent thusly or the house, if it exists, is run down and the posting is misleading--in either case it's fradulent. Those are notoriously scammers, perverts, or evangelics looking to lure folks to save their souls.  When you think about my description of their M.O. , it will make sense to you that that is what they are doing to the unsuspecting persons looking for a good deal."

"Although I understand your logic in wanting to see photos, you have already seen how cute the house is by the few postings on Craigslist.  Because I know that the houses are clean, well maintained, I know that the  house is the least important aspect, so we stick with the order of the process.  I don't invest time with anyone until they are willing to put "skin in the game" to show us they are even worth dealing with from two aspects: 
1) first you have to prove to me/us that you will qualify financially or it isn't worth my time or yours frankly.  It's the same with real estate.  If you can't afford a house, the realtor isn't going to waste his/her time showing you a house you can't afford. 

2) if the roommates don't like you over another candidate, it's irrelevant whether the house is good or not.  We focus first on making sure the person who is interested is a good fit for the others who will be living there.  The house is the last piece of the puzzle.  I/we place very descriptive narrative and a few photos on CL so the viewer knows what they're getting and can see the house is clean, well maintained and see immediately that the poster on CL knows what the heck he/she is doing as a landlord or roommate.  I am assuming that you  are already attracted to the house or you would not have (or should not have) bothered to reply.  So after parts 1 & 2 are completed, and you seem to be a good fit, then you'll see detailed photos and a floorplan of the house."

"Actually, it's taken me way too long to even answer these questions, but since you're out of the US and replied nicely, I thought I would try to help you see the logic in the process."

Now, one might say OBVIOUSLY this is a crazy situation and get out now... but maybe it was the lack of control I felt by being so far away and the fear of not finding anything that caused me to continue traveling down this rabbit hole with a woman who claimed to be the "property manager."

So, I responded kindly that I would like to continue the process and didn't hear back for two days.
Then, I got a short email randomly signed by a different person, Ellen, saying she was "out of pocket."  The next day she explained, "Thanks for your patience.  I am the landlord, Ellen.   Khrysten is really busy and asked me to take over to help speed our process." 

It wasn't until way later in this wild ride that I realized the property manager and the owner had to be the same person because nobody could have someone as crazy as them as an assistant who writes in the same ridiculous voice.

Anyways, away we go... venturing deeper down the rabbit hole.  I fill out a questionnaire that may have been more detailed than my university application itself.  It has questions like, "describe passive aggressive behavior and  how you have handled it in the past."  It has you initial next to statements like, "I agree to maintain my assigned section of the yard from this point to this point with the weed killer specified by the landlord" and "I agree to wash the dishes in the sink and then place them to dry in the dishwasher."  I attach a picture as if it were a job application for an acting gig and send it off, thinking WOW... I really am not used to this level of obsessive behavior - I must really forget how the US is.  Chalking it up to culture shock, I went on with my day, hoping I'd get accepted to the house as one of the 5 roommates.

That's not the end, though.

When I had filled out enough questionnaires and forms to satisfy this woman and she finally sent me a floor plan and more photos, I saw that the room was not even 10x10.  I asked her if I could ask the other roommates to place my keyboard in one of the common areas with headphones as not to bother anyone.  She responded that there was NO room for new furniture anywhere outside of your room.  She then suggested not bringing it, asking how much I played it anyway.  "Have you considered the possibility of leaving it with your friend in Tucson for this year?  I guess it also depends on how much time you realistically play it daily or weekly??"

She also responded to my question about termination of the lease by saying, "Death is an unlikely event that may or may not require a person to have to both leave school and leave the city permanently.  Such an event as death would be addressed when it occurred and there are provisions in the lease for significant costs to be paid by the tenant, and ONLY if the landlord gave written permission.  In every case in the past where I allowed subleasing, for example, I was burned and experienced significant loss of time and money.  As a result, I no longer grant such permission."

I freaked out about this but let it go as an unlikely occurrence over the next year.  I told her I wanted to continue the process and asked if  I could have the actual address to which she responded,  "A close intersection is E. 46th St. and Red River if you are interested in knowing how far the house is from a UTbus stop  and distance to the UT campus.  If that location is not close enough toUT for you, we should definitely stop the process right now."

At this point, I had pretty much had it with the absurdity of the situation.  Who was she to micromanage me to the point of deciding whether or not it was important to me to bring my keyboard!!!!? This same afternoon, I got a facebook message from a friend that graduated from UT responding to my question about good neighborhoods to live in.  He said that Hyde Park was good, but to watch out for a crazy landlord there.  Dun dun dun.....

This jogged my memory back to the beginning of the process when I told another friend at UT that I found a house in Hyde Park.  She was excited but said something about a crazy landlord there that lives in the house with the students and abuses them.  I had brushed it off as a different situation and had not remembered what she had said until now.

My guardian angles went to work overtime researching this situation... within an hour my friend had found out the first and last name of the landlord from another grad student and that grad student was already texting me telling me "Whatever you do... DON'T do it!!!!"

In the meantime I wrote back to Ellen, moving my pieces to call "checkmate" on her game.

"Good afternoon Ellen,

I was not worried about the condition of the house.  I just wanted to see it from the front as none of the photos showed a front view (only a side view of the porch).  I know how far it is from UT; that is fine.  I understand that you are protecting the security of the house, but I find it a little odd because I have already sent you so much information about myself and I still can't know the address. 

The keyboard is 51" by 15" and I like to play it to de-stress.  As I have already been without it the two years I have lived abroad I am looking forward to having it with me again.  

Are any of the tenants for this coming year renewing their leases from last year or all they all new to the house?  

Also, how would you describe your involvement with the house throughout the year?"  

I learned from the grad student that had lived with her that she lives in one of the houses she rents and lies that tenants return.  The only tenant that had returned was her SON and they would sit upstairs in her room all the time waiting to hear something "off" to run down and yell at the tenants.  She made chore charts and "emotionally abused" her tenants. She also doesn't give your deposit back, saying that you broke any number of her absurdly rigid rules.  The girl said she almost had to hire a lawyer, which is funny because turns out Ellen is a Lawyer.  Go figure.  When I looked her up online, her photo reminded me of the Elder in the new movie The Giver we were currently watching in my HS class.  It makes me shiver to think that I was so close to living under her oppression with no escape for a year.  

I also learned from the girl that she goes to the other houses down the street to check on them all the time... which is funny when you read her final email to me.  

Hi Moriah,
House address:
I guess you did think I was crazy. (What Irony)  Rightfully so!  The other montages I have on my hard drive actually have the photo of the front of the house on it.  I guess there just wasn't enough room without going onto another page for that particular montage I sent you to have the photo of the front of the house?.  I swear I thought it was on there, but when you said that, I checked and sure enough it wasn't!.  Beats me.  Sorry about that.   The address is .......
**She saw she was about to loose me for seeing through her guise and saw it as a safe bet to give me the address because I was not there anyway.  There's no way she "left it off" by accident when she is sooooo detailed.  

Current tenants:
The tenants in the house have been there 2 years and are all graduating or moving, etc.  So this group will be a new batch of roommates, which is usually a good situation, as there have been no routines formulated that new folks would have had to adjust to if some roommates remained and other new ones came in.

**I am sure this is a lie and the only reason she told me that address is because she knows I have no way to go by and talk to any of the current tenants.  

My involvement:
I stay as uninvolved as possible, except for when the gardening tasks occur at periodic times of the year or whenever something needs to be repaired, etc..  During the pre-lease period,  like  is happening now, there is a lot of communication when showing the house to prospective tenants.  At the beginning in August there is a Saturday meeting to go over key items after everyone has moved in.  At the end of the lease in July there are multiple times to meet when the tenants are preparing the house for the move out.  It is similar  with the other house.  What is the impetus for asking that question- is involvement perceived as positive or negative in your estimation?

**Here we are, back to the super creepy controlling tone.  

Regards,
Ellen

I kindly responded that I was going to continue my search.  

So, thank God for my friends who saved me from this woman who would have given me more of a return culture shock than I ever could have anticipated.  I am so grateful for their help and for a story that nobody could have invented with their wildest imaginations.