The Little Nuances of Language and the Not-So-Little Missunderstandings They Can Create

Personal sense of identity becomes a very interesting thing when assimilating into a new culture.  It is easy to start judging who you are... trying to fit into the norms around you.  

The theme of this week is misunderstandings: both in culture and in language.  One event that is culturally different can lead to judgment (or perceived judgment - whether or not the judgement even happened on either side) and a lot of hurt.  The feelings become even more intensified when you are trying to have a sense of belonging in a different culture than the one you come from and then feel rejected... Like when someone stops trying to explain why something happened and even though they may not say it, their subtext says: You will never understand because you're not from here.

But, they are right - I suppose.  The reality is: I am NOT from here.  And no matter what  I do or how much I learn, I will NEVER be from here. I will Never know all the songs parents sing to their children as they fall asleep at night, the inside jokes based on the history of the country, the reason why it would be UNTHINKABLE to go to school without the ability to shower in the morning (equivalent to as if you were to walk outside naked).  And I am realizing that I have to be OK with that. I'm not FROM here but I AM here. 

I can be a cultural explorer, in a sense.  A scientist, fascinated by the many differences and similarities between us.  And through the journey, remember to appreciate who I am and where I've come from.  I am not lacking because I don't know all about this culture... On the contrary, it is quite the opposite; I am blessed to be able to have all of my own cultural heritage plus the experiences of another. 


It's almost as if the more fluent in Spanish I become, the more difficult some aspects of communication get. 

One would think that being more fluent in a language can only be a positive thing, right?  Well, mostly it is positive and the benefits are far greater than the costs.  I can navigate doctor's offices, listen to science fair presentations and ask pertinent questions, judge a student theatre festival... all of these activities are only possible with a high proficiency in a language.  Yet, it is shocking how one misread preposition can lead to the misunderstanding of an entire idea and a wrong choice of a words in a discussion between friends can lead to some pretty hurt feelings. 

In the high school, there is a sign that reads, "Alza su voz, no el nivel del mar."  For months, I had been reading the sign with an "al" instead of an "el."  This lead me to believe that the sign was saying "Raise your voice, but not to the same level as the sea."  I thought this was some profound statement about standing up for yourself but with more of a pacifistic stance... not rough like the waves.  I asked a student about it the other day, wanting more context and he laughed when I explained my thoughts.  All it was really saying was "Raise your voice, not the sea level" - a simple statement about climate change.  All because I thought the "the" was a "to the."  This is just one example of how little things can cause big differences. 

I also learned, last night, that the words for disagree and fight are two very different things. So, when someone says, "I don't want to fight with you" it is not similar to "I don't want to argue with you."  These statements sound pretty interchangeable to me in English, but I no longer think they are in Spanish.  And some words... I think I know how to use them, but even though I look them up in the dictionary... they still don't seem to have English equivalents.  For example: Regañar.... I've heard it used as "My father me regañó when I didn't do my homework" or "don't regañar me."  So, I think it means like to be upset with someone and talk sternly to them, but none of that is in the dictionary.  And the word for fight - "pelear" is the same as "regañar" in the dictionary (to quarrel), but in real life it does not seem the same AT ALL.  And then, there's the Costa Rican word "plato" that means to discuss in a way of disagreeing, but of course THAT'S not in the dictionary at all! 

Also, how we say "I know" in English as a way of saying "yes, I hear you" or "me too" ... that does not translate when you say it in Spanish.  It just sounds arrogant.  Like when someone says they miss you and you respond with "I know," it does not mean "I miss you too... I am in agreement with how you feel."  It actually means, something like "I know, of course you miss me" or "I'm so smart I already know everything." What you really need to say to express this sentiment is the equivalent of "equal." 

The hardest part of all this is that, because I sound pretty "fluent" in the language, people assume I know what I am saying.  For that reason, one poorly chosen word can have a huge affect on a conversation and an entire interaction.  Whereas before, people just assumed I didn't know what I was saying and didn't take much of what I said seriously at all... now, they seem to be convinced I totally know what I am saying and have no way of knowing that I don't fully understand the appropriate meaning of one word.  This is how the more fluent in Spanish I become, the more difficult some aspects of communication get. 

On the other hand, though, I have learned a very important lesson from all this, and that is: to work more at listening to people without thinking I know what they're going to say.  Because, maybe I have a habit of using the "I know" statement too much. In places it doesn't belong. Because really... I don't know what someone is feeling or what they want to share with me.  Maybe this "I know" colloquialism gets in the way of the actual listening.   The actual listening that I value so greatly. 

Some language lessons, I have learned the hard way.  And those lessons, I don't think I'll ever need to repeat.