Connections

One thing that I really like about this small town is that everywhere I go... I know people.  Here I am, sitting at a coffee shop in Manuel Antonio and as I write, someone walks in and says hi to me.  Ten minutes later, a woman from the street yells up at me to say hello.  She says that she'll call me later to set up classes.

The question is, will she really?  As I walk around town, I see that some of the number tabs are ripped off of my flyers, but nobody has called.  There seems to be a lot of enthusiasm around the idea of learning English... but not so much in the follow through.  Maybe for every ten people that seem super excited, one will follow through - I think... I don't even know that yet.  It can feel discouraging, but maybe I just need to talk to more people.  Por lo menos, talking to people is also accomplishing my main goal of bettering my Spanish... so there's that.  Every step is part of the process.  Hanging up flyers and networking is a class in itself.  It's just that instead of being enrolled in a study abroad program... I'm doing it this way. 

I need to remember that my path here is different than other people's (Spanish students, tourists, other teachers) and be ok with the way I am doing things.  I have a tendency to judge myself and compare myself to the choices other people are making.  I am working on that.  That is one of the many courses I am enrolled in right now :] 

Example: While I sit here, my friend and his family are waiting for the bus and waving at me... :] Why I love it here... 

Why can't we just dance? or... Feeling Like Prey in a Machismo Culture

Uhhhhh!!!!!! Some guys here are so creeeeeepy!  Yes, you're a good dancer and I enjoyed dancing with you.  No, I don't want to ride on your motorcycle and go back to your apartment that is close by.  No, I don't like the way you are looking at me.  Please stop.

I don't know if it just me, but I feel like the social scene in this part of CR is very different than in The Central Valley.  One of my theories is that it is because of the tourism.  Because the tourists come and go every few days, the men here are used to one night stands and relationships being fleeting and temporary.  I think this concept mixed with the machismo culture creates this sense of instant gratification with no consequences.  This causes the women to behave differently, as well.  The women seem to be more jealous, xenophobic, and revealing in the way they dress.  I guess this makes sense if they are responding to the actions of the men.  Why would they trust foreigners if their boyfriends are using the tourists the way they do.  Of course, this is a generalization and a reaction to my experiences last night.  I am reminded as I watch people I know go by on the street that there are some really kind and sweet people here. 

I think it might be more difficult to make friends with people my own age in this part of the country, but maybe I am just looking in the wrong places.  I mean, I don't make friends at the bars in Tucson, either... It's just that this town is so small.  Where else will I meet people?

I guess I just need to decide what is most important to me - do I need to feel like I fit into the social scene or are the other things I am doing here enough?  I know it is normal to not feel like you fit into a different culture after being there for a while.  At first, it is like a vacation... but as you get deeper, you begin to notice the little things and can feel more like an outsider.  I learned about this in my course when we talked about "culture shock."

Culture shock is very different than most people understand it to be.  It is not something that happens right away, suddenly when you arrive in a new culture.  It is something that builds and climaxes over a few months.  It is not whether or not someone experiences it, but when, how much, and for how long.  Eventually, it evens out to a new normal but it can take several months.

It is one thing to be told this, and another to experience it.  I am trying to just ride it out like riding a wave... see the experience for what it is and not freak out when I get knocked under the water - know that I will resurface after some time and catch another wave.  I mean, I didn't embark on this journey for things to be fun and easy.  I am on it to experience, grow, be proud of myself, and enjoy what I am doing. 

Collectivo

Voy Tranquilo :]

So, as ridiculous as it may be in a town where there are only two roads out of town - one to San Jose and one to Manuel Antonio (the beach).... I just took the wrong bus.  Yep, I got on the bus thinking I was going to Manuel Antonio and realized, as it passed the elementary school that I work at, that I had done the impossible.  I laughed at myself and stood on the side of the road, waiting for a collectivo to pass by.

What is a collectivo, you might ask?  A collectivo is any random car that is driving down the road that feels like being a makeshift taxi.  They simply beep at you, flash their lights, and wait for your signal.  All you do is hold up a finger to signify that you would like the ride.  They pull over, you get in, and they drive into town.  When you get out, you give them 500 colones (1 dollar) for the ride.  They pick up as many people along the way as they can.

This is a very efficient form of transportation and I am very glad to now know about it.  Before, I just thought that everyone was beeping at me for no particular reason... maybe they wanted me to get out of the way or they were just declaring how beautiful I was.... :]  haha.  Anyway, I know I have to be careful because they are not official and some foreigners seem wary of them, but that is really how the locals get around so quickly.  It definitely beats waiting an hour for the bus in those rural areas outside of town!

This is just one more example of how intricate the systems are - and how one only begins to understand them after being around for an extended period of time.  

This was a big step for me... :]

Yoga

Every day is my yoga practice:

The barking dogs, the metal grinders, the canceled lessons, the uncertainty of it all...

They're all yoga poses. 

Some more difficult than others, but all temporary. 

Breathe, shift your perspective, and go smoothly. 

...or as a sticker on the bus says, "Voy tranquila."

Today at the Elementary School

Food!

Hard at Work

There is/ There are - production

"A hot-air balloon journey"

Planning out his balloon's journey around the world...

Good morning, rainy season

This is what it looked like outside when I arrived at my classroom today.  I was very wet, as was pointed out to me, very subtly by my students. 

The longer I am here... the less I understand

I keep telling people back in the US about how things are strange here... but I can't think of good examples because I think I am getting accustomed to them (there's that word again). 

It is interesting, however, that the longer I am here - the more I realize how much I don't understand.  It is the little things...

Like a guy sitting in the median of a highway blowing the whistle for no apparent reason.  Is he directing traffic?  It doesn't seem so. 

Or, the bus driver beginning to role away as you board the bus... right after your friends boarded just fine.  He calls out that he is not leaving, just moving.  Why didn't he move after I got on?  Someone on the bus comments that I must not speak Spanish.  There is a difference between understanding what someone says and why they are saying it.  I understand what people say... but the rational is still a mystery to me. 

Or how so many random clothing stores for dogs stay in business....? 

Or why my student cancels her classes 10 minutes before I go to her house? 

The deeper I get, the more I can see the little things that I didn't notice before. 

The more I observe, the less I understand.

Asking SERIOUSLY 20 PEOPLE where the right bus is... including policemen and other bus drivers

This weekend, I returned to The Central Valley for a crazy festival in Barva, Heredia. I will write a whole other post about that crazy experience, but first I wanted to share what it can be like trying to find your way here.

Here I am, in Tibas (a part of San Jose) where my friend Erin is living.  I have never been here before, but trust that I can ask around, find the bus to Heredia, and make it to where I know the area better.  I leave Erin's house, ask two different people, and find the correct bus no problem.  I even confirm that I am where I am supposed to be - standing in front of the store where the bus supposedly stops.  Of course there is no markings of a bus stop - but this is normal.  I am used to it. 

I board the bus with my bag of Mamones that I had bought from a lady selling them on the sidewalk.  I eat a few and hear the old men sitting across the aisle from me .... "Muchacha...." I turn to look at them and they then ask me if I could "gift them" some Mamones (a fruit that is very popular here).  I happily share, as I was just thinking about how I didn't want to carry around or eat that whole bag myself.  They thank me as they get off the bus and wish me a good day.  I feel happy that I am able to connect with random people in that way.

I happily arrive in Heredia... my old home.  A place I know better.  A place I am accustomed to.

(This is a very important thing in this culture... being accustomed to something. They always talk about this.)

I am supposed to meet my friend at 10:00 in San Pedro, a neighborhood of Barva... and it is 9:45.  It's ok, I think... Tico time.  I let her know I am in Heredia and ask her if there is a bus straight to San Pedro or if I need to go to Barva first.  There is a direct bus, so I set off to find it.

I ask a few people and get directions that take me in circles.  That's ok... I am accustomed to this too.  I ask a few more people.  I am still going in circles.  I ask the police standing on the corner.  Surely they will know.  Nope!  Still being directed in circles.  I ask a bus driver stopped at another stop.  Nope!  The hardest thing is that they all act like they know exactly... so you never can be sure.  I appreciate that they are helpful, but saying they don't know would be even more helpful.

I eventually just stop listening to people after they tell me where to go... I know they are leading me back to a bus stop I have already checked.  I even ask someone "Esta seguro?"  "Si, estoy seguro."  No.  Still wrong.

Finally, I give up... only one block away from the stop (as it turns out) and my friend comes to get me.  I can't believe that I can travel so far.... find so many ways on my own... and I can't make it out of a town I am familiar with.

 Now, it is funny.... but on Saturday it was super frustrating.  I just kept reminding myself - this is just another experience... you are ok.  You are practicing your Spanish.  You are getting exercise.

I know one thing: that was the most people I have ever asked for directions, ever.  Another thing is that I am super grateful to my friend who came to rescue me and always makes me feel at home and loved :]

"Fake it 'till you make it?"

I am now teaching my host dad English at night a few days a week in exchange for part of the rent.  It is so much fun - he even bought a white board to hang on the wall so it could be like a real classroom.  He is so proud of it. 

(We interrupt this program to dance bachata for a moment... to music played on the cell phone of my host brother. These are the times I love living with a family.)

Anyways, sometimes I wonder if I really know enough to teach people the English language.  When you are working for a language institute, they give you a book and a curriculum to follow.  Right now, I am making things up as I go along... using my notes from the TEFL class as a guide and developing activities along the way.  But, also, up until now I just had random classes.  I have never tried to start from the beginning with a student.  Where do I even start?  I almost bought books when I was in San Jose, but didn't because they were expensive; I didn't know if I wanted to stay in Quepos and try to make my own path here or return to the Central Valley and work for a company. 

At least I know one thing - anything I do teach will be better than what some people are getting now. There are so many errors in the book my host dad is learning from.  I am constantly having to correct words that are the wrong tense or spelled wrong.  There are also random expressions like "a woolf *on sheep's clothing" or "he got fired because he was sloth." 

Still, I get an uneasy feeling in my stomach when I think about leading a continuous class that needs a lot of structure.  I think that I need to go back to San Jose to buy some books if I am going to do this.  I just don't know.  I feel overwhelmed.  Maybe that is why I still haven't hung up those flyers....

Charity - A Communal Effort

This is something I have been noticing throughout my time here.  Several times, I have been on a crowded bus when someone boards and begins telling his life's story to the passengers.  He shares about hard times and how his family is struggling to get by.  He also talks about God.  Then after a few stops, he walks down the aisle and sells candy or Rosaries or some other item.  I was shocked when, consistently, the majority of people on the bus gave him at least a few coins - even if they didn't want what he was selling.  They also were very kind.  Nobody looked annoyed to be a captive audience for this man, nor did the bus driver mind.  In fact, the bus driver let him on and off without paying - I believe. 

I started thinking about this and how it would have gone differently in the US.  I feel like there, he would have not been let on in the first place, but if he was... people would have scoffed and looked annoyed and less people would have contributed.  At least that's what I imagine... maybe in big cities like NY it would be different, but this is a small town... where the people on the bus are far from rich themselves. 

Also, it is not just on the bus that this works (with a captive audience).

Yesterday, I was at the park in Heredia when a woman walked up to the bench next to me.  She was pushing a baby stroller and selling lolly pops to make money for food.  I watched as every person she approached either gave her money or bought a lolly pop - even the teenage boys sitting on a bench near me.  There was something about the exchange that was so nice.  I could see the kindness in the people's eyes and smiles as they made the exchange -money for lolly pop... or money for nothing at all. 

First Day at the Elementary School

I have been working at an elementary school now for half a week :]  I am only subbing and it is only an hour and a half a day, but it is something.  Also, the kids are really fun and crazy.  They are very enthusiastic and love to yell out a lot.  I need to get used to that, but it is really fun teaching them.  They are 2nd - 5th graders. 

One Foot In Front of the Other

"Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.... what do we do - we swim!!!!"   This is what I am doing now.

This past week was pretty rough for me.  I sprained my ankle last Sunday, got the flu on Tuesday, and had a meltdown on Wednesday (probably prompted by the previous two items in the list).  Luckily, with the support of some awesome people... I have moved through all of that and feel more ready to keep trekking forward.  It also really helped that my closest friend from the TEFL class came to visit this weekend - she always makes me laugh at everything from products sold in the pharmacy to the bus schedule.  Thanks, Erin! <3

I have chosen to stay in Quepos and explore the opportunities that can be created here - at least for a while.  I made a flyer today (which for some reason felt really difficult.... so much so that I had been putting it off).  I've always been hesitant to be self employed - rejecting my dad's idea of advertising in our neighborhood as a swim teacher when I was a high school student.  I don't know why that is... but I'm finally doing it.  I guess it took coming all the way to Central America to make myself do scary things like make a flyer.  haha - I'm so weird, but I'm learning to accept that too.      


This week, the security of my Spanish classes and the schedule they brought me will be gone.  I get nervous when I don't have a schedule.  Breath, you can handle that too.  There's always the beach!  :]  I know, life is so hard, right?  Just kidding.

 But, this is exciting: already, I have one appt to meet with my heladeria friend on Tues to help her 9 year old with her English class.  That's something!  I also am going to start tutoring my host family in exchange for part of the rent - yay, barter system!  I also may or may not start subbing at a little private elementary school, depending on when the director comes from San Jose. 

So, swimming swimming just keep swimming..... what do we do we swiiiimmmmmm!!!!!!!!

I'll let you all know what happens with the flyers. 

Also, I just had to include the wet sloth from school.... :]  I love him.

A hard time

Today is a hard day and I have been feeling super low all morning. Of course, I am still grateful to be in this beautiful place learning Spanish while teaching English, but I don't know what it is... Maybe it is because school back home started today. Even though I'm not consciously thinking about it, I think I'm still grieving that part of my life. Right now I am missing the normalcy of daily life... Feeling like I am floundering in the sea if the unknown. I know that this is part of the experience and that it will pass, but right now I feel it strongly.

I couldn't sleep last night and so that probably doesn't help. Also, I twisted my ankle yesterday so that limits how much I want to walk around and do stuff. Patience..... I need to practice patience. I wonder if life here will ever feel normal enough to feel comfortable? Where do I want to be? What do I want to do there? These are all the questions whirling around in my head right now.

Also, I find myself becoming really angry with all of the tourists around me. I know that is not fair- and that I am somewhat of a tourist myself, no matter how much I try to be Tica. I think it is that I'm trying too hard and still feel like an outsider. This makes me sad and resent the other tourists for being such blatant outsiders. They don't even try to speak Spanish. I listen to them on the bus talking way too loudly about how they'll buy a bigger yaht next year and about how they feel about the dirtiness of the bus, etc. eeeh. A mi no me gusta.

I wonder if I need to go somewhere with less tourists, or if I'll feel better about the whole thing when I feel more confident about my place here. Maybe this is just a time I need to ride out my feelings and keep moving forward. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. Any support or wisdom is appreciated. I think I need some hugs.

My Essay on "Pura Vida"

Pura Vida

La vida Costaricense es muy distinto.  Yo creo que un aspecto de la cultura muy imporante es la frase "pura vida."  Por mi, pura vida significa que todo es bien.  Hay cosas en la vida que hay malas, pero todavia la vida es tuanis.  Un dia, un senor en la playa que vende "hielo con sabor" me dijo, "pura vida" con una sonrisa grande en la boca y tambien en los ojos.  El me dijo, "No tengo mucho dinero... pero tengo mi salud, mi familia, comida, la naturalesa... todo es pura vida."

Yo pense` mucho en esta conversacion despues.  Es verdad que lo me dijo.  Hay demasiado gente en los Estados Unidos que tienen tantas cosas, y no tienen felicidad.  Me gusta mas tener menos cosas, y desfrutar las pequenas cosas en la vida como un chiste o la mar o el tardecer.  Estas cosas son pura vida.  Es claro que las frases en una cultura dicen mucho de la cultura.  No se si es la frase que tiene impacto en la cultura o la cultura hace la frase.  En Brasil, hay una palabra... saldade.. que sifnifica - la sentidad que quiere algo en el pasado, una experiencia buena que ya no existe.  Ingles no tiene esta idea.  Los Estados Unidos tiene una frase, "tiempo es dinero."  Esta es obvio cuando esta observando la fente en Los Estados. En contrario, Cosa Rica es mas tranquila y mas "pura vida."

Pura vida, tambien, puede significar que no hay nada pueda ser... entonces pueda estar enojado o "pura vida." Hay muchas veces en Costa Rica cuando cosas no van como quiera... entonces la repuesta es... "pura vida."  Es como para aceptar que esta pasando.  Por eso, la gente esta mas tranquila que en Los Estados.

Me gusta mucho la frase "pura vida."  Me gusta estar agradecida por la vida que yo tengo y estar en el momento mas.  Tambien, me gusta practicar paciencia y desapego en situaciones dificil.  Pura vida es una buena manera para vivir la vida.

Me Encantan Mis Estudiantes!

Thanks for the Lesson, Luke :]

Something is always funny :] 

Best English Students I Could Wish For

Grey Day

With all of this beauty around me, how can I feel homesick?  I feel really weird right now.  It is like I am homesick for the Middle School, for Barva, and for what I have known.  It is weird to feel homesick for a place you have only lived for a month... maybe it is because half of my belongings and many of the friends I have made in this country are still there. 

Today, the director of the Spanish school asked me how I was feeling in that exact moment.  I replied with, "Well, honestly.... I feel both excited about all of the possibilities and overwhelmed by them at the same time."  I have many choices I need to make in the next few days or week.  Yes, more choices!  haha....

I need to decide if I would like to stay here in Quepos and pursue opportunities here, try something new, or if I would like to go back to Heredia.  I know that, ultimately, whatever I do will be fine but the decisions still feel really important.  For now, I will stay another week and continue studying Spanish with my awesome teacher.  Maybe things will feel clearer next week. 

I realized, today, that it might be odd... but the time when I feel really alive and in the flow is while I am teaching.  There is just something about listening and responding instantly to people's needs that I love.  It must be the same feeling I have when I do improv (man I miss improv).  So, "por lo menos", at least I know that I still love teaching - especially when my students are as appreciative as the ones I have now. 

My New Friend at School Today

Perezoso

Giving My First English Class

Today, at my Spanish school.... I gave my first real English class outside of the TEFL school.  During our break at 10:30, the director told me that he wanted me to teach a class for the professoras at 1:30.  He said that he wanted it to be on questions and the present continuous tense.  Luckily, I had done that lesson in my TEFL class and I had the lesson plan on my flashdrive in my backpack.  Good thinking, carrying the lesson plan flashdrive around with me.  You never know when you may need a spontaneous English lesson - haha... like Mary Poppins, but with a flashdrive instead of a suitcase.

So, I had one hour to eat my measly lunch snack comprised of crackers and cheese... (the same lunch I had yesterday on the bus on the way to the funeral) and to plan.  I need to start bringing better lunches as it seems I never have time to get food.

I taught the class to the three teachers and they loved it!  It was so much fun and I felt so well prepared.  It was smooth and I adjusted to what they needed to practice and the 50 minutes were over in no time.  They took good notes, asked good questions, and made errors that I was able to correct.  They all said that they wanted it to happen again tomorrow and I told them to tell the Director that.  They practiced asking for the class in English and that made me happy :]  We'll see what happens (what he wants to do), but I couldn't have asked for a better start.  There could be no better class to teach than an eager class of good friends; it is also awesome that they already understand the grammatical structure and words from teaching Spanish.  I'm hooked. 

Un Dia Extraño

Hoy fue un día muy extraño. El funeral de mi abuelita había hoy... Pero yo estoy en costa rica... y yo fui a un funeral aquí en quepos del abuelo de una buena amiga. 

 I am now in Quepos, Costa Rica.   

It is so nice to be back here... I have gotten to spend time with my old host family here and it is just like old times - only I know more Spanish now.  I am able to communicate so much more than I could last year, thanks to my awesome friend, Rebeca back at home :]  

Even though I am happy to be here, I fell a little lost right now.  I am trying to be ok with that but it is hard for me to not to know what comes next - especially since school back in Tucson started today.  Every time I start to think about it, I just move on to other things.  

My host mom told me... don't be sad.  When I feel sad, I just decide to be happy (or something like that). 

Also, random fact of the day - I saw someone riding his bike down the freeway holding a mattress on one shoulder.  I don't know how that is even possible. 

Graduation

We made it!

The butterfly decided to join in on the ceremony

How many pictures can I take while holding little animals?!

Now that we are done with school, I feel a little bit lost - a lot free and a little bit lost.  I've had so much structure for the past month.  My whole life was here in Barva.  Every day, I went to school.... taught.... planned....did homework...walked around... hung out... and then did it all again.  I think this kind of feeling always happens when I finish something that took a lot of effort and time.  Tomorrow, I head to the beach... and that is exciting! 

It's August!!!!!!!!!!!

Mis Amigos de La Clase del TEFL

Making More Tough Decissions

I had thought that when I came to Costa Rica, my difficult decisions would be over.  I had thought that the most difficult decision was to come here in the first place.  Maybe it was,  but that was not the end. 

Here I am... graduating from my TEFL program tomorrow... with vastly different options.  Yesterday morning I had no work, no place to live, and no plan.  I talked with the director at my old Spanish school and he told me to come on down to Quepos to hang out and study for a week.... to clear my head.  One of my major goals in coming here in the first place, was to become more proficient in Spanish.  I have noticed that I have spent a lot more time speaking English than Spanish in the last month.  I also really feel pulled to Quepos - the trees, the ocean, the people.... (the lack of gasoline in my lungs).

So, yesterday, I decided that I was going to go.  I was going to take another leap of faith and hope that this new move or weeks vacation would work out well.  Then, yesterday afternoon, I had another interview (was offered that job for 6 hrs on Saturdays) and another job (for 18 hrs starting this coming Monday).  The catch is... they need someone right away... so the choice would be to either stay here and plow full speed ahead in work (not knowing the next opportunity I would have to travel, but having the stability of a job) or to trust my instincts and go on search of the next adventure/opportunity.  My gut is telling me that there is more I will be able to create that I am not yet aware of.  That I do not need to snatch up the first opportunity just because it feels like something safe in a world that is so unfamiliar.  I didn't come all the way here to jump from one commitment in the US to another in Costa Rica.  I didn't come all this way to be fearful of change and new possibilities, for that is what this whole experience is. 

I have made up my mind.  I am going to Quepos to see where the next adventure may lead.  I am diving into the current, unaware of - but excited about where the river will take me.  Like I said in a previous post... when you are ready, a guide will appear.