A hard time

Today is a hard day and I have been feeling super low all morning. Of course, I am still grateful to be in this beautiful place learning Spanish while teaching English, but I don't know what it is... Maybe it is because school back home started today. Even though I'm not consciously thinking about it, I think I'm still grieving that part of my life. Right now I am missing the normalcy of daily life... Feeling like I am floundering in the sea if the unknown. I know that this is part of the experience and that it will pass, but right now I feel it strongly.

I couldn't sleep last night and so that probably doesn't help. Also, I twisted my ankle yesterday so that limits how much I want to walk around and do stuff. Patience..... I need to practice patience. I wonder if life here will ever feel normal enough to feel comfortable? Where do I want to be? What do I want to do there? These are all the questions whirling around in my head right now.

Also, I find myself becoming really angry with all of the tourists around me. I know that is not fair- and that I am somewhat of a tourist myself, no matter how much I try to be Tica. I think it is that I'm trying too hard and still feel like an outsider. This makes me sad and resent the other tourists for being such blatant outsiders. They don't even try to speak Spanish. I listen to them on the bus talking way too loudly about how they'll buy a bigger yaht next year and about how they feel about the dirtiness of the bus, etc. eeeh. A mi no me gusta.

I wonder if I need to go somewhere with less tourists, or if I'll feel better about the whole thing when I feel more confident about my place here. Maybe this is just a time I need to ride out my feelings and keep moving forward. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. Any support or wisdom is appreciated. I think I need some hugs.